now i know why i became what i already was.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
