She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
