Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
