I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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