"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You are a genius and a whore.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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