All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
