who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
