Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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