We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
