Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I wish my penis had an off switch

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(614): View more from Ohio

Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen

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(541): View more from Oregon

If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?

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(516): View more from New York

I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this

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(845): View more from New York

So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing

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(514): View more from Quebec

The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice

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(816): View more from Missouri

im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death

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(518): View more from New York

We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".

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(727): View more from Florida

No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."

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