Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
