I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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