Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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