I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
