Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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