i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
