Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
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One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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