I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
