i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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