Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
