It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
