You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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