I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
