I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
