I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
