I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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