I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
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