Will you blow on my dice?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
