You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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