if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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