I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
