Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
