So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
