i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
