Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
