I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
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That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
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I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have feelings that need drinking.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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