Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
