god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
