I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That accounts for only three of the penises
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
we should paint friendship bongs
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