If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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