drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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