well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
