im drinking this country out of the recession.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
