Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
