All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
