So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
