No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
