I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
