i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
