Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
