i just had sex bonerless
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
