yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
