hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
