My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
