I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
