my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
