She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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