Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
FUCK WHALES
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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