are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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