Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
