I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
