Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
