Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
