I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
