I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
