If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
