She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's rum buckets o'clock
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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