I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
