if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
