Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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