please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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