Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
How does one acquire holy water?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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