you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
