Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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