So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
