no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
