i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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