Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
