I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
