If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
