the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
