shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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